Tuesday, August 16, 2011

If only.....

If only I had known… but he never told me.  The signs were there.  But I didn’t see them.  Harry telling me I shouldn’t go to the party…  It was just a party two roommates were having, and all I thought was why me?  I am not the only woman he has a history with.  Besides, Bobby and I never were an "item", just good friends, with occasional benefits.  So I asked Bobby's roommate what was up with all that.  He said "don't worry about it, I  want you to come," and that there was no problem he knew about.
So I went.  Sally was all in my face, saying gee must be nice not to have to wear a bra, I was wearing a bustier...being overly sweet and friendly.   I knew she was jealous, but I had no clue as to why, cuz Bobby and I were just friends.  And I knew he loved her, had been faithful to her, probably for the first time in his life, because he told me about her and how he felt. 
A few weeks later, Bobby's best friend Jonathan asked me if I would ever marry Bobby.  I blithely replied, “I love Bobby to death, but the two of us would be a mistake.  We are both so alike, so wild; we would be on the lam, dead or in jail in a year.  Both of us need an anchor.”  And, while that likely was true, even believing it, knowing it, I would have risked it. 
What I would not risk, was allowing anyone to know, that I would have married him in a New York minute.  Because he was engaged to someone else.  Because I didn’t realize until 25 years later,  that he loved me too…because, he never told me.  

This is one of a series of cups I designed.  Fashioned from brownstone clay, porcelain slip over the entire surface, and an application of low fire, food safe glazes, it was raku fired.  The others have a variety of clay bodies - porcelain, raku and brownstone, with a mix of raku exterior and low fire interior and lip area glazing.  All were raku fired.  Look for the pics of the rest of the series, as well as other art works, soon.